30 years ago, Dad and Aunt Janet made the decision to log part of the woods on our farm and replant pines as a source of income for the future.  Those trees have become my dad’s babies over the years.  He has carefully coordinated with the forestry department and independent loggers to keep the underbrush down, periodic controlled burns and periodic thinning.  We have watched the trees grow from tiny saplings to tall, straight, strong trees.  My son spent many a summer vacation on a little 4 wheeler gleefully driving up and down the rows of trees.  Last fall, dad started talking about thinning the trees again.  He often talks of projects on the farm that he intends to complete that we all know will never come to fruition.  We just listen and agree with him.  But in November, he actually was contacted by a logger that came to meet him and look at the trees.  We once more realized his vulnerability in dealing with “outside” people.  Dad was talking about thinning the trees.  My brother and I talked with dad and told him that we would like to get several opinions before we committed to one person.  That lead my siblings and myself to have the conversation of whether we needed to go ahead and cut all of the trees for the current and much needed income that they would provide.

The trick became to convince dad that this was the right thing to do.  It is times like this that I understand the need to guide dad to right decisions, but I still feel duplicitous in my attempts to get him to see things our way.  Mike had the forestry department go to the farm and prepare a report for him.  I spoke with my aunt and uncle and got their blessing to cut all of the trees, as they own half.  I made the trip to Washington that day very much dreading the conversation and hoping that the right words would come.  Dad is such a kind, gentle person, but his paranoia is strong some days and he needs to be encouraged rather than challenged.  We had a regular visit and went out to lunch.  When we returned to my parents house, dad and I rode back on the farm, as we do every time I come to visit.  I told him that we had spoken to the forestry department and they had said that the trees could be harvested (that was true!).  I told him that I worried about ice storms and hurricanes destroying the trees before we could get them harvested(that is true also).  I also told him that if we harvested all of the trees, then we could replant them and he would be leaving a legacy for his grandchildren and great grandchildren.  And this was the argument that appealed to him the most.  He came back around a couple of times to thinning and we talked through the reasoning for clear cutting several times.  He looked at me and said that I should do what I thought was best and that was fine with him.  I left very relieved that the first hurdle had been overcome.

Over the next couple of weeks, as the lawyer was preparing the timber deed and getting the paperwork straight, dad relapsed a couple of times into “no one is cutting my trees down!”  Each time, mom called and I talked him down until he was calm and agreeable.  We signed the deed on a Tuesday and I got a call on Friday at noon that the loggers wanted to start that afternoon!  They were very nice and understanding when I explained the situation and told them that I had to be there for the first day of cutting.  I made arrangements to be there the next morning at nine to start the process.  I called dad and talked with him for a while about how exciting it was going to be and that I would be there to witness it with him.  He had questions and spoke of needing to be there to make sure that everything went smoothly.

I made the 2 hour trip the next morning, arriving at their house at nine.  To my great relief, I found dad excited and very much anticipating the day.  He was still making references to thinning trees, so I knew that the next couple of hours were important.  We drove down into the field to the woods where two loggers were waiting for us.  They were extremely respectful and answered all of our questions.  We sat in my truck and watched the one guy cut, drop and stack logs for 2 hours.  Dad was amazed.  It was so great watching him enjoy the process.  I took a lot of pictures and I’ll put them together into a little book for him.

When I left that first day, I told him that I could not be there every day, but that I would be back the next week to watch the loading procedure with him.  We went back on Wednesday and again, spent about an hour back in the woods watching them strip, cut and load the trees.  Again, dad was mesmerized by the big equipment and the entire process.  For the last couple of days, he has sat either in his recliner or in the yard and watched the log trucks roll out the long lane, heading towards Weyerhaeuser, loaded with his beloved pines!   It has been a wonderful process and one that I have cherished sharing with him.

I have not written in a while.  I guess that things have been going so well (as well as can be expected) that I don’t want to jinx that.  Mom and dad have finally settled down into a routine that seems to suit them for the time being.  Dad has had fewer episodes of anger.  His memory is definitely getting worse and he recognizes less people, but he seems to accept that.  One of my concerns is their lack of exercise.  Dad is not interested in the same things in the yard that he used to be.  He still talks about yard work, his special grass and his shrubs, but he doesn’t go outside as much as he used to.  Out of 16 pecan trees left standing in their yard, he did not pick up a single pecan this season.  I took him 3 flats of pansies on Thanksgiving and they are not planted yet.  I guess that I will have to plant them when I go back to visit next week.  He can not remember how to plant them in pots.  For dad’s entire life, he has been associated in some way with plants.  He farmed, he landscaped and late in his career, he became an agriculture teacher.  His love for farming, gardening and planting has always defined him.  It is one of the joys that this horrible disease has taken from him.  That is still the hardest part to adapt to…the personality changes that we see each time we visit.  Most are subtle changes, but definitely there.  We will continue to cherish the parts of dad that we have been used to all of our lives that are still with us, while getting to know the new dad that we meet everytime we visit.

Today is dad’s birthday.  He is 83 years old.  Yesterday was his wedding anniversary.  Mom and dad have been married 60 years.  I went to spend the day with dad yesterday and Kathy went today.  We try to spread out our visits, as to keep the confusion to a minimum.  I had decided that I would take dad and spend the day with him doing something fun and give mom the day to herself to relax.  She is always saying that she needs some time to herself. 

     So, when I arrived yesterday at 11:00, we visited for a little while and then I took dad with me into Washington to get some lunch.  I had made mom some homeade chicken salad for lunch, so I knew that she was settled in for the afternoon.  Dad and I went to Down on Main for lunch.  Thursday is their shrimp special lunch and dad loves shrimp.  We had a nice relaxed meal sitting out front at a little cafe table.  After lunch we drove around the block to the Estuarium.  It is a wonderful interactive museum preserving the history of the river and the area.  Dad loves history and he had a great time looking at the exhibits. There were only a few people in there, so again, he was under no pressure to interact with people.  This seems to make him nervous now.  I had signed us up to take the River Tour and around 1:15, they asked us to gather for the tour.  Gathering with the small group of people confused dad and he turned to me and told me that we had lost mom and we needed to find her before we could leave.  I told him that we had left mom at home because she wouldn’t enjoy the river ride.  He was okay then and we boarded the pontoon boat.

     We spent about 1 1/2 hours cruising down the river, frequently stopping to hear about some of the history or to see different species of cypress trees or other plant life.  Our tour guide was very knowledgeable and dad appeared to be having a wonderful time.  We discussed some of what we had seen and learned on the way home, but I never know how long an experience will remain with him before it is lost forever.

     When we got home, dad told mom that we had gone almost to Greenville and around Chocowinity and then down the river.  Mom, being mom, told him that he had already been on the boat before, so it wasn’t anything new.  That didn’t deter him, he told her about the great time that he had.

     Today Kathy and Jonas went to spend a couple of hours with mom and dad for his birthday.  Kathy told me that dad told them about his river tour yesterday and what fun he had.  Later this afternoon I called to tell him Happy Birthday officially today.  Mom said that he had told everyone about his river tour and what he had learned about the history of the area. I am so happy that I was able to share that with him.  And then the bittersweet part of the story.  When dad got on the phone so that I could tell him happy birthday, he told me about the wonderful time that he had on the river yesterday.  He then proceeded to describe what he had seen and what he had learned.  He remembered everything that the guide had told him but he didn’t remember that I had gone with him.  I am grateful for the memories that he does have and we will continue to try and help him create new ones, even if they do not stay with him long, I believe that they help his well being and I will always believe that.